


Aggresive, Annoying Ashi

by Lirema



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series), Samurai Jack (Cartoon), Sonic the Hedgehog (Video Games), 怪盗ジョーカー | Kaitou Joker | Mysterious Joker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-11 09:09:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11145339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lirema/pseuds/Lirema
Summary: Jeez, this Ashi chick doesn't know when to quit. Who's going to straighten her up?





	Aggresive, Annoying Ashi

“Where’s the samurai?” Ashi scowled.

“There’s the samurai,” Morty pointed to the half-awake thug overhead.

“SAMURAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI!”

Guzma screamed.

“Eusine!”

“Yes, Morty?”

“Cue the running montage music!”

With a push of a button, “I’m a Scatman” blared in a boombox while Guzma desperately fled from the riled ninja.

“ARCEUS, LADY! WHAT DA FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?”

Morty leered at Eusine.

“Eusine?”

“Yes, Morty?”

“Why are you playing Scatman John?”

“I dunno, it was in there when I pressed play.”

He paused for a long minute, then replied with a smirk.

“It’s perfect.”

With a war cry, Ashi pursued the heavy thug, awaking everyone within the vicinity of Hau’oli City and Route 2. Morty simply unfolded a lounging chair, kicked back, and enjoyed the view as locals furiously shouted and add to the commotion. Hidden within the borders of Route 2 stood a humble yet striking electric blue ship. The owner, a drowsy anthropomorphic hedgehog, yawned and mumbled.

“What the heck is going-”

Guzma ran inside and slammed the door. Ashi sliced at the windows with the hooks on her chained weapon.

“Oh come on! Not on the ship!”

Sonic pressed a button, creating a force field that shoved her off a meter away.

“FOOLISH SAMURAI! You can hide, but you can’t run!”

“Shouldn’t it be the other way around?” Sonic mumbled, still half awake, “And why does she think you’re the samurai?”

“How da hell should I know!? That bitch is fucking delusional!”

“Ok, Ashi, that’s enough,” Morty said as he approached her.

“NO! My path is just, my word is clear. I will not stop until every single last trace of the samurai is eliminated from the riches of Aku’s earth. I will hunt for days, months, years, eons, just so I can finally see the day when the samurai is dead, and our lord Aku will rise from the ashes to-”

“Yes, yes, but an assassin needs their rest.”

“There is no rest until the samurai is put to rest.”

Ashi slashed at the barrier, and Sonic deadpanned at them.

“Remind me why you’re keeping her here again?”

“Yeah, what da fuck man?”

“She’s not that bad. Actually, she can be quite resourceful,” Morty casually replied, then glowered, “At least, when it comes to eliminating you.”

“What!? You still bitchin’ about that!?”

“You don’t remember? I told you I’d do so after we left the Ultra Space.”

Eusine randomly commented, “So...you didn’t learn anything from that, and you’re still the selfish, conceited guy you were during the whole Ultra Space trip?”

“I wouldn’t say 'conceited'. More like... 'just'.”

“What’s so just about any of this?” Sonic murmured.

“Ey, I get it. I’m a threat to society, nobody loves me, and everyone would rather want me dead,” Guzma said monotonously, “Now can you get this stoopid bitch outta here?”

Blissfully, the blonde shrugged and walked away. Eusine awkwardly scuttled along with him.

“At least this barrier will keep us safe,” Sonic sighed.

“Yeah, but how long can you keep it up?”

“I think the ship has enough juice to hold it up for a week”.

“A _week?_ Shit, bro. You mean we’re stuck here with no food or drink for a week?

“Oh, no worries, I have plenty of food stashed in here. It’s her I’m more concerned about. If her weariness doesn’t get to her, the police will.”

The sound of police sirens whizzed by.

“Well speak of the devil.”

With a screech of a megaphone, A policeman with spiky white hair declared.

“Halt! You are under arrest for unwanted-”

Ashi lunged at the policeman, who scampered and shrieked.

“Geeeen! Now’s your cuuuu-”

Instantly, Ashi flung her weapon at him, binding him up. A nearby tree rustled as the bold white wolf swooped down with a pounding kick. Ashi deflected it with just her arm. In an expert karate fashion the two dueled ferociously. During the melee, The policeman inflated until he popped, instantly freeing the plucky young lad in a top hat from his chains.

“Finders keepers!” He taunted as he fiddled with her weapon.

“NO!” Ashi cried.

She sprinted after him, but he mounted away on a Charizard moments before she could reach him.

“SAMURAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI!”

Gen pounced and glared deep through her eyes, hypnotizing her to sleep.

“Phew! _Dat’s_ my Wolf!” Guzma boasted as Sonic removed the barrier.

“Ain’t no thang, bossman.”

“We should’ve send her back to her dimension when we had the chance…” Sonic sighed again.

Gen scratched her black-tipped ears.

“About that…”

~

“So...dere ain’t no way to send her back?”

Gen shook her head, “Morty pities her. He believes Ashi doesn’t deserve the fate she’d receive if she went back to her dimension.”

“Which _is_?” Sonic inquired.

“Falling in love with Samurai Jack, helping him destroy Aku, discovering she was born from Aku, going back in time with Jack to destroy Aku, and not disappearing due to time paradoxes until their wedding day.”

“Sounds like some stoopid fanfiction Grunt A wrote.”

“Believe me, I’ve heard worse,” Sonic mumbled.

“Although,” Gen mumbled, “I don’t get why Morty doesn’t _fix her brain already…_ ”

“Have fun figurin’ that out and keepin’ her the fuck away from me,” Guzma patted her hard on the back, “Bossman’s orders.”

“You got it! Wanna help, Sonic?”

“Sorry, this ship ain’t gonna repair itself.”

Sonic zoomed around the ship with just a screwdriver, instantly repairing all its scratches.

“Alright, let’s go!” The hedgehog declared.

The sun seemed promising, but the ninja much less so. Gen and Sonic ventured across Melemele island, Alala island, and Ula’ula island for sightseeing. They’d point out all the tourist attractions commenting “Say, check out that volcano!” Or “Woah, don’t you think those waterfalls look pretty neat?” Instead, she’d ignore and tackle everyone she came across, questioning where the samurai is. 

They’d visit every Malasada shop. Every Time Sonic offered her the sweet bun, she’d swat it in his face. 

Off of Route 15’s coast, Gen offered her swimming. She threatened a sore eyed tourist in a black and white kimono with a Sharpedo clutched in her hands. She then rode the Sharpedo all the way to Po Town.

“Crap- Ashi, come back! That’s my Sharpedo!” Gen yelled.

Sonic dashed after her through the water. Unsettlingly, the Sharpedo gnawed on Guzma’s head.

“OK, I CAN’T TAKE NO MORE.”

His Golisopod punted the Sharpedo away, clutched Ashi with its scaly claws, and hoisted her on its shoulder.

“You comin’ with me, bitch.”

~

The sun refused to show its face. The locals even more so. Through the crooked crannys and alleyways Guzma and the contained Ashi trudged. Rats and shattered glass plagued the streets. Helpless beggars with cardboard signs eyed them. Some were naked. Others were accompanied by frail, malnourished children. All cried at them for help. A drunkard ran straight into Guzma, giggling and talking to himself. A foul smoke grazed the sky as two scanty woman shared a bong.

“What is this? Why are you taking me to such a repulsive place?”

Guzma ignored. Even the sound of a nearby gunshot did not phase him. Ashi quaked at the sound, wondering who or why would someone fire. He stopped. Ashi looked far over his shoulder. She gasped in horror. A child, no older than six, was beaten senseless by two leathered teens with a baseball bat dipped in blood and nails. Ashi turned and closed her eyes.

“Nu-uh, take a fuckin’ good look,” He jerked her face while Golisopod held her eyelids open.

The boy’s wails plagued her mind. It haunted her. It reminded her of her past. She screamed from agony far too many times in her childhood. She had been beaten and bruised and scarred since the day she was born, all for the sake of her lord’s will.

“The world ain’t blessed by no Aku god. The world is shitty, and spiteful, and cruel. People are even more so. Ain’t because of no stoopid samurai. No, it’s because they too damn stupid to realize that the world doesn’t fucking revolve around them. I’ve seen people who’ve been mocked, and abused, and raped, and _murdered_. Now, you tell me: Will killing a stoopid samurai save all these people?”

Ashi stared at the troubled ground.

“No.”

“Good. Now get the fuck outta my sight.”

His Golisopod flung her off to the side. With a roar, Guzma scared off the teens. He then turned to the boy, murmuring something about Team Skull. Ashi simply observed. Once he turned in her direction, she leaped and hid in the shadows. Something bumped her feet: A Ledyba with a broken antenna and two missing legs. It tried to flee. Instead it crashed into the brick walls.

“Wait! I won’t hurt you, honest.”

The Ledyba frantically turned around. Ashi tiptoed up to it, kneeled, and extended her arms.

“Here. Let me help you.”

The bug hesitated, then charged into her foot again. She giggled.

“Poor thing. You must be blind.”

She cradled it in her arms. She recalled the first time she found a ladybug, how it whizzed gently in her hand, how her mother snatched it and squished it between her fingers. Had this bug been squished too? She wondered.

“Let’s take you home.”

~

Ashi returned to Sonic’s ship. She knocked on the door. She was greeted by Jack instead, who tipped his top hat.

“Yello-”

Jack shrieked and slammed the door.

“It’s ok! I’m not here to hurt you.”

Jack opened the door just a creak. She showed the injured Ledyba to Jack.

“I need you to help this little bug. It’s hurt.”

“Well, whaddya want me to do? Sing it a lullaby?”

“There you are!”

Sonic said as he and Gen hopped off of a Lugia.

“We’ve been looking all over Ula’ula island for you!” Gen replied.

“What’s that ya got there?”

“It’s hurt. Can you heal it?”

Sonic exhaled, “Well, I can’t exactly bring all its legs or its antenna back, but I’ll see what I can do.”

Jack opened the door wide for Sonic to take in the Ledyba.

“I’m still keeping the nunchuck blade,” Jack glared.

“You can have it. I won’t need it anymore.”

“ _Sweet._ ”

Ashi sullenly left.

“Hey! Where are you going!?”

Ashi shuffled toward a cliff.

“ASHI!” Gen and Jack cried.

She stepped off. 

Gen and Jack darted over. From below, she was entangled in a web from an Ariados.

“The fuck is wrong with you!?” Guzma growled as he bolted towards the cliff as well.

“Why on earth did you run off the cliff!?” Jack shrieked.

“You could’ve-” Gen’s eyes widened.

Her ears flicked, a trademark when using her psychic powers.

“You...You believe you have no purpose to live in this world…” Gen muttered.

“How did you know that?” Ashi asked.

“Psychic,” They all answered.

“Aw fuck- Look, just because I showed you how shitty this place is don’t mean you gotta commit suicide over it.”

“But you said this world will never be saved if I kill the samurai. All my life I believed that it is my purpose in life to kill him. If my purpose is flawed, what can I live for now?”

Guzma furrowed his eyebrows.

“...Are you fucking kidding me?”

Jack stammered, “H-Hey! Living on earth ain’t that-”

“No, I started this mess, I’m the one who’s gotta fucking end it,” Guzma interrupted, “Look, haven’t you ever thought about yo self for once? So what if you’ve been born and raised to be a stoopid assassin? So what if you’ve been livin’ a lie yo whole life? If yo family or yo friends or the world don’t give you no purpose to live, then make ya own goddamn purpose!”

“Why should I?”

“Why should you? _Why should you?_ Why _shouldn't_ you? Haven’t you eva want to live in freedom by ya own terms? Haven’t you eva wanna...I dunno, explore the world, make some friends, get drunk, get high, have a party, all that shit? Yes, the world is shit. But that don’t mean you gotta _be_ shit. You know what ya do when people start givin’ you shit? Ya fight back! I know you can do it. You ain’t what yo mother or yo father or yo sister or yo brother said you are. You ain’t gotta be as shitty as the people who hurt you. Be the strength others told you you neva had. Be the friend that you neva had. Be the source of love you neva had. You ain’t livin’ under the roof of yo mother or yo father anymore. What have you got to lose?”

Ashi contemplated. She remembered all the times she slipped up, all the times her mother called her weak for doing so, all the times she was scolded for getting distracted, all the times she was punished with a punch in the gut, all the times she was reminded: Death is failure. Death is failure. She’d lost her six sisters to this stone cold mantra. And it was all she knew. She failed. She should die. She desperately wanted to prove him wrong, but she couldn’t. She didn’t know how. All she knew...was that freedom sounded like a great idea right about now.

“I...guess you’re right.”

Guzma’s Ariados lifted her back up with its web.

“Where do I go now?” She asked him.

“Wherever the fuck you wanna.”

Ashi paused and headed back to Sonic’s ship. Jack blinked, dumbfounded.

“Wow. You just stopped a one-track minded assassin from committing suicide.”

“I know right? Damn, I was expecting her to slap me for rambling or something.”

“Yes, for once, I’m impressed,” a mysterious voice uttered.

“ _Morty?_ ” Gen asked in surprise.

Jack jumped “How long were you sitting there for?”

“Oh, I haven’t moved from this spot since this morning,” Morty sipped a glass of iced tea.

Guzma sweated, “Is this the part where I start runnin’ again?”

“No, not today. I was hoping one of you would talk some sense into her, my psychic powers foretold so. Though, I didn’t expect Guzma to be the one to do so.”

“Yeah, I’m an enigma.”

“Why did you talk some sense to her, anyway?” Jack asked curiously.

“Because she damn stoopid.”

“...That’s it?”

“Hey, I like to keep y’all edumacated. Makes my life a littler easier.”

“ _Edumacated?_ ” Morty said.

“Edumacated…” Jack snickered.

“What? You got a problem with that?”

“No, no I don’t,” his snickers betrayed his words.

“Oh yeah, Joker boy? You think I’m funny? I wanna see you laugh when I smash yo stoopid face to the dirt!”

Jack screamed as Guzma chased after him. Meanwhile, with Ashi sat beside the scarred ladybug Pokemon. Sonic stood on the other side of its bed.

“Poor guy. Must have been abused,” Sonic sighed.

“You think so?”

“Oh yeah. All abused animals are terrified of everything. Kept slipping from my hands. He seems to like you, though.”

“He does?”

The ledyba buzzed into the wall next to Ashi.

“Woah, little buddy! Be careful!”

He eventually buzzed right into Ashi’s arms. She smiled. For once, no one threatened to break something she cherished.


End file.
